Letting Go.

Flipping through my journal, and I found this moving entry I wrote back in April of this year, 2012.  I want to share it with those who care.

"So, it's been hard.  A huge tidal wave of emotion and stress is continuously slapping me in the face.

The emotions of letting go of something that felt so right. The stress of getting rid of personal objects that I've collected.  The saying goodbye to those who were such good friends to me.  Its all so hard and I'm upset.  I cry almost everyday.

But, I know this is the right decision. I cannot grow in the way I want to grow here in Bishop.  I'm not that shining star who is going to make change here. its changing me.  I've had to make too many compromises inorder to live and thrive here.

I am tired of running and searching.  I just want to be.  Be free and have the opportunity to study and experience all that I want.  To embrace my family and friends and to be part of their lives again. I'm going somewhere where change is accepted and encouraged.  I will grow as a person in ways that i want to. I will face the excitement of the unknown.  Meet new people. Experience different culture. Be closer to family. See my friends that I havent seen for so long.

I want to live a balanced, healthy and meaningful life.  This doesn't mean I have to live in the most beautiful places out there.  All places have their own beauty.   I dont want to search anymore, but I dont want to lose all that has been important to me.

I am trying out Asheville.  I am not putting all my cards down like I did for Bishop, but I'll put some down.  Take a chance, absorb what I can,  Grow in a positive way, to myself, my family, the earth and its people.  Be the beauty I wish I could see in people and community."

On the road, heading back East.